I don’t fit into the “mold”

I had a recent discovery. I’ve mentioned I quit my job, did some traveling, and now I’m back at home re-evaluating my life.

We are expected to graduate high school, get amazing SAT & ACT scores, and get into a prestigious 4-year university. I was confined to this mold – graduated high school and decided to stay local and attend a CSU.

We are then expected to graduate college in 4 years and get a full-time job. (Why else did we go to college, right??) Again, I was confined to this mold. I graduated in 3 years (thanks AP classes) and moved to San Diego in search of a full-time job.

I was recruited (and tricked) into working for a tech “start-up” in sales. I was decently good at it, so I continued to wake up at 4:30AM to be in the office by 5:30AM at the latest.

It took me a year and a half to muster up the strength to realize I do not fit into societal molds. Even after quitting my full-time job, I felt almost ashamed. The entire point of the last 8 or so years of schooling was for THAT moment, THAT job.

Today I realized “nah, that doesn’t work for me.” I do not fit into the mold. I was unhappy, my mental and physical health was in question, and for what? Simple – to fit into the mold I was raised to fit into.

So here I am, unemployed and paving my own path. Creating my own mold. I have some ideas of what I want my mold to be. Or maybe I don’t want a mold at all.

I quit my job.

I quit my job.

I have been interviewing for a role (since April) that I thought was going to be perfect for me. I made it to the final round. I was confident this role would make me happy.

I found out yesterday they are going into a different direction.

I feel lost.

I am 24 years old. I feel like I need to have everything figured out. Right?

I needed to see this video today.

This is day 1 after the rejection.

Here’s to day 2.

have to start somewhere

I used to write in a diary. One with a tiny lock and even tinier key that I hid taped in a dresser drawer. I always enjoyed jotting down my thoughts in a personal matter, whether it be about a boy I thought was cute in 5th grade (s/o to Andrew) or me venting about my annoying little brother to the only (inanimate object) that would listen.

Now, being 24 years young, I feel that I am not alone in my day-to-day struggles. I remember being in high school, thinking “Wow, people in their twenties really have their shit figured out!” I felt as though these people fresh out of college had their whole lives planned – everyone seemed so adult-y, if you will.

No one writes a book on your twenties.

I wanted to create a place where I can freely write my experiences as a 24 year old San Diegan. I excited to discuss (aka vent) about jobs, friends, love, working out, traveling, netflix, and everything in between. Hopefully during my expedition I will be able to reach other twenty-somethings that might feel just as dazed & confused as myself.

Looking forward to embarking on this journey.